Entangled

You don't realize how entwined you've become until the cord is cut. 

That face. That's what I just glanced over to see. It's been 10 days and I do it every.damn.time when I shift around in my chair. 

You see, I typically sit down with one leg folded underneath me. It's a habit as old as I am. But eventually I start to lose feeling in my toes so I have to shift around. This would always alert Evan, to check on me and see if I was getting up or just doing that shift thing. 

Just did it and glanced around to where he should be looking back at me, again. 

Then the tears started rolling.

When does the brain start rewiring that he's not going to be there and I don't need to flash him my smile that I'm still here and okay. 

I almost don't want it to. I want to forever be expecting to see him. Because that's just another part of him to lose.