Friday, December 10, 2010


Can't let the holidays slip past without appreciating the most underrated skeezy but catchy "Christmas" song ever invented.

"Baby It's Cold Outside" plays on the Holiday Traditions XM radio station in my car pretty much every other hour by my estimation. The 6 hour drive we took recently included at least three different (but equally creepy) versions.

The song was written in 1944 by Frank Loesser, he of Guys and Dolls fame, to sing with his wife at their "housewarming" party for a hotel (wonder why hotel warming never caught on. . . ). Legend has it his wife was charmed by the "our song" aspect until money grubbing hubby sold the rights five years later, at which point she was infuriated. This is the same guy who wrote the wartime song "Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition" so probably not the quietest of households to begin with. Add to this the tidbit that first wife Lynn's friend Jo became the second Mrs. Loessner later that decade, and the romance of the song is seriously doomed.

Admittedly, 1944 Hollywood probably doesn't hear the lyrics the same way and the woman's question, "say what's in this drink?" is almost assuredly referring to some alcoholic cocktail the gent has served the lady in a swingin' martini glass instead of the possible roofied liquid in a paper cup that flashes through my mind when imagining the interplay.

But DUDE: "the answer is no" is pretty much where you need to just stop the bus, call the lady a cab, and try not to guilt her into the end of the world doom if you don't get some lovin' tonight.

Not to let her completely off the hook, since depending on the singer, you can hear all kinds of coy "no means yes" interpretations, but regardless of who sings it, I can't shake the borderline date-rape vibe. Just. . . skeezy.

Ok, so the bit in Elf with Will Farrell and Zooey Deschanel is probably the most homogenized, safe rendition around, which comes off being cute and naive even when she is naked in the shower, but we also don't get into the section of the song where Buddy the Elf would have to be making his move and talking about how delicious her lips look, either.

So, as a mom, I just need to go on record here: Sammi, if you're stuck trying to get home in a blizzard, the safest place to take shelter is NOT the place where the guy is trying to rock a smoking jacket, handing you drinks, and stoking the fireplace a little too aggressively (and why is there always a bear skin rug in my imagination?)


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