Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Now My Daughter is Showing Me Up

It makes my heart happy to check on Sam's blog and see new posts almost every day. 

And it makes me think, oh, so that's why people ask me why I haven't blogged in a while. . .

First time on that side of a blog. 

So, a blog. 

I am an empty nester now. I'd had my week of side-stepping it running around Houston and seeing friends and generally reminding myself that, yes, I have done pretty well with keeping the "me" around while raising my kids. 

And now, with kids raised, I still have all those things and friends and interests, old and new, to keep me busy. 

Where it creeps in and whispers to me "gone" are the random moments that I realize . . .

I have no one that I might wake up playing on the piano in the morning when I get back from my walks or bother while they are trying to watch television/play games throughout the day. I'm suddenly awash in practice time in an empty house, all day. 

There is no one to shout down to let the dogs in from the backyard, or to swap the laundry while they're downstairs in the kitchen. We'd already been on our own laundry schedules, so there isn't any less to speak of.  But sometimes I'd have a hand in moving my stuff on through the line. Now it's all me. Drat. 

I have an email for half off at Goodwill this afternoon for tomorrow and there is no Sammi to ask if she wants to make a trip with me. 

It's in those little moments that "gone" twists the knife, just a bit, just enough to know this is a change that is still working itself out in my head. 

Katy was acting out when all three of us disappeared from the house within a span of a couple of days. With Bob out all day and in the basement all evening/night, she was one unhappy camper who decided peeing and pooping at the front door all the time as well as strewing cat litter all over the kitchen floor might get some attention. (It wasn't the attention she wanted, however.)

But since I've been home, no more of that. She stays within a few feet of me wherever I go, and lays near the front door until I return if I go anywhere, which hasn't been for longer than an hour at any point. 

Evan spends half his day on Sam's bed and half on Nick's floor (the bed is higher). He sleeps next to me all night. He never used to be in either of their rooms much, but now he seems to like dividing his time between them. He seems to wonder what happened. 

I wonder what happened, too. A minute ago, I had little kids who needed me for everything. (That was exhausting. Not gonna lie.)

Everyone was posting first-day-of-school photos yesterday and, since my age group still largely has kids younger than I do (I was one of the first out of the gate), it was bittersweet to see their middle-schoolers and high-schoolers and know those days have flown. Side note:  It was also wonderful to see their elementary kids and babies and think, "those days are now gone! More power to ya, but no thanks!" The thought of having a toddler at my age? Oy. 

I'm in a weird head space in a lot of ways, wondering what comes next, and knowing whatever it is, I'm good. Despite all our problems, and who doesn't have them, we've raised a couple of great kids who are already great adults. I'm proud of the people I helped shape into Nick and Sam. 

Love you kiddos. 

Sammi's stuff you can find on her blog. She's been fabulous about keeping up.

The boy, who is never on FB and who would likely rather die than ever think of having a blog?

He's been a little busy.

(See him at the 1:14 mark get to 21, his personal best.)

doing team exercises on the army course

Helping freshmen at move-in day

At the scrimmage last weekend, wearing cleats that make his Dad proud.

His latest instagram post, which I can't seem to download, showing his senior helmet stripes, as the first in senior to play football for SU in half a century.

His final semester schedule is basically sports science and sports classes, so it's all fun all the time. If you consider two-a-days in the Texas heat fun, which he does. I must've dropped him on his head harder than I realized as a baby.


Post a Comment