Monday, April 2, 2012

4-2-12 Dear Hanes Underwear Company

Dear Hanes,

I am a pretty devoted consumer to your brand. Oh, I've wandered over to Fruit of the Loom once, and I will admit that I do own a few, ahem, racier types, but for go-to daily wear, I can't resist your Wedgie Free Guarantee in soft cotton bikini cut.

But here's the problem.

And please understand I am only lobbying for black and white segregation when it comes to your product, but dagnabit, you just keep on selling your six pack with three of the black pairs that I want, and an equal number of white ones, which I don't.

I remember having a conversation with my walking partner, Joan, years ago, lamenting the customary mix of underwear color in packages. Oh, sure, there are those who go after your cutsie little prints, but some of us stick with what works. She wanted all white. I wanted all black. If we'd been the same size, we may have had a match made in heaven for panty purchases, but, alas, we were not. And yes, we talked about underwear on the track. There is nothing like a sweaty walk in the humid Texas heat to make you appreciate the wedgie-free guarantee.

So thanks to the most recent round of panty refreshing, with the 6 black pair tucked away in my drawer, I find myself once again the owner of an entire package of pristine white underwear, still tightly rolled and taped, that I am going to have to donate. Yes, I suppose I could take my receipt and return them to Target. If I was careful and made sure to find a guy behind the register, he would never notice the anomaly of an entire pack of white. But if I got a woman, you can guarantee she'd pick up on the subterfuge. And if they did put them back on the racks, I just know some woman who goes in for the whites and wears a 7  would scream in joy when she spotted them. Seriously, your security guy would show up and have no idea why she was jumping up and down in ecstasy.  

If you would just make a package of entirely white and a package of entirely black, you have no idea how millions of women would rejoice. 

Pretty please?


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