Ok, this memorial stuff has taken on a life of its own, which, I concede, is deeply ironic.
At this rate, you'll need to break out the popcorn for the movie length / album length set of slideshows/home movies/and songs in the works.
But where else are you going to have a captive audience that actually wants (or, okay, can be forced) to watch all of your pictures and videos? This is the opportunity of a lifetime. (Bamdumpbumpbump.)
Really, these things are usually the only thing at a funeral that actually memorializes the person.
Granted, you can have "open mike" and get some chuckles from people sharing memories, but only if you: 1) have a group of people good at public speaking and 2) have guilted some of them into preparing their stories beforehand. If I'd been a theater major, maybe you'd have the right mix in attendance. But let's face it, most of us freeze up at the invitation to come to the front of a bunch of people, most of whom you don't know, who are all wearing their funeral faces, and try to convey something personal about someone who has died.
It can be done. You just can't count on it for your own funeral.
And, if you're like me, you like to count on things.
I'm not expecting to get to be all Tom-Sawyer-at-the-funeral (although that would be cool...) but I would like people to smile and remember me fondly, instead staring at the ceiling and hoping this will all be over soon.
And another thing, while I'm on the topic no one wants to talk about but everyone is going to have to face: those memorial "handouts" -- just say no. The funeral home is going to rape you on printing a sheet of paper with a photo and some text to hand out to people who are going to just stare at it blankly while they wait for the service to start (or during, if it's really boring) and then feel terribly guilty when they get home and realize they really have no use for it, but feel a bit disrespectful about throwing it away. Ok, you probably need to make a small stack for the relatives who need it for bereavement fare documentation or something, but just announce at the end of the service that they they can check in with the funeral director for it. I don't want anyone to have to pay full fare because I'm too cheap for a mass printing. Come to think of it, I could make one up myself and have it saved in a file and you'd save a bundle. You know all those people who contact you after a death saying, "If there is anything I can do..." Well, by God, now there is. Take this over to Kinkos and get 100 copies.
If you do make one mine should have a list of accomplishments inside, just to keep people on their toes.
Here's a sample, just to get you going:
July 28, 1970: Born, which is an accomplishment in itself, although Mom did all the work.
1973: Drops brick on toe, loses nail, gets infection. First in a long line of self-inflicted clumsiness wounds.
1976: Drops from monkey bars at recess, breaks left arm.
1977: Wins first blue ribbon in broad jump at track and field day, 2nd grade. Follows up with blue ribbons for five years consecutively in the same event, miraculous considering her clumsiness. This will however, be the pinnacle of her sports career.
1981: Dismounts horse, falls down Canadian mountainside, snaps arm bone perpendicular to arm behind left wrist. Rides back down the mountain on the lap of the very cute trail guide on horseback with hideously deformed arm, still swooning up at him.
1983: Moves from small private school to public junior high in 7th grade, unaware that culottes with striped sweatsocks is a fashion faux pas. Much hilarity at her expense ensues. If one of the mockers is in attendance, penance is required at the front.
These are only a starter of critical highlights that could be included, but you get the idea. The sillier the better. Throw in some laughter quotes: "Laughter is carbonated holiness." I like that one. (Anne Lamott)
Or this, by Sean O'Casey: "Laughter is wine for the soul -- laughter soft, or loud and deep, tinged through with seriousness -- the hilarious declaration made by man that life is worth living."
Let me also say, having looked the lists for "funeral music" on a number of sites, I would be hard pressed not to get a serious case of the giggles if some of those were played at any funeral I attended. Willie Nelson's "On the Road Again" ? Simply Red's "If you Don't Know Me By Now"? I did get a chuckle that someone had added Monty Python's "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" here.
Seriously, what I'd really like is a service up at Echo Lake, with ashes scattered across the water, and then make everyone, or at least those able-bodied enough, hike up to the ridge before the Chicago Lakes turn and scatter some more in that direction. This would ensure there would not be a lot of high heels in the crowd. Don't be silly. Wear jeans and some bright color: greens, reds, purples, blues, or yellows. Nothing dark or drab. Bring a sunflower to throw behind my ashes or plant one in a corner of your yard for me. Better yet, adopt an animal from your shelter and name her Tori. Afterwards, (after the ashes, not the animal adoption, just to be clear) pick up pies from the Lodge, make coffee, and, somewhere comfy, settle in front of a big screen to enjoy my collection of videos.
I don't really think I will need this for a long time but then, who does? And once you're gone, all the "I wish I had asked" stuff leaves you feeling more helpless and bereft. And then you make a crappy memorial video. Not cool.
At this rate, you'll need to break out the popcorn for the movie length / album length set of slideshows/home movies/and songs in the works.
But where else are you going to have a captive audience that actually wants (or, okay, can be forced) to watch all of your pictures and videos? This is the opportunity of a lifetime. (Bamdumpbumpbump.)
Really, these things are usually the only thing at a funeral that actually memorializes the person.
Granted, you can have "open mike" and get some chuckles from people sharing memories, but only if you: 1) have a group of people good at public speaking and 2) have guilted some of them into preparing their stories beforehand. If I'd been a theater major, maybe you'd have the right mix in attendance. But let's face it, most of us freeze up at the invitation to come to the front of a bunch of people, most of whom you don't know, who are all wearing their funeral faces, and try to convey something personal about someone who has died.
It can be done. You just can't count on it for your own funeral.
And, if you're like me, you like to count on things.
I'm not expecting to get to be all Tom-Sawyer-at-the-funeral (although that would be cool...) but I would like people to smile and remember me fondly, instead staring at the ceiling and hoping this will all be over soon.
And another thing, while I'm on the topic no one wants to talk about but everyone is going to have to face: those memorial "handouts" -- just say no. The funeral home is going to rape you on printing a sheet of paper with a photo and some text to hand out to people who are going to just stare at it blankly while they wait for the service to start (or during, if it's really boring) and then feel terribly guilty when they get home and realize they really have no use for it, but feel a bit disrespectful about throwing it away. Ok, you probably need to make a small stack for the relatives who need it for bereavement fare documentation or something, but just announce at the end of the service that they they can check in with the funeral director for it. I don't want anyone to have to pay full fare because I'm too cheap for a mass printing. Come to think of it, I could make one up myself and have it saved in a file and you'd save a bundle. You know all those people who contact you after a death saying, "If there is anything I can do..." Well, by God, now there is. Take this over to Kinkos and get 100 copies.
If you do make one mine should have a list of accomplishments inside, just to keep people on their toes.
Here's a sample, just to get you going:
**************************************
July 28, 1970: Born, which is an accomplishment in itself, although Mom did all the work.
1973: Drops brick on toe, loses nail, gets infection. First in a long line of self-inflicted clumsiness wounds.
1976: Drops from monkey bars at recess, breaks left arm.
1977: Wins first blue ribbon in broad jump at track and field day, 2nd grade. Follows up with blue ribbons for five years consecutively in the same event, miraculous considering her clumsiness. This will however, be the pinnacle of her sports career.
1981: Dismounts horse, falls down Canadian mountainside, snaps arm bone perpendicular to arm behind left wrist. Rides back down the mountain on the lap of the very cute trail guide on horseback with hideously deformed arm, still swooning up at him.
1983: Moves from small private school to public junior high in 7th grade, unaware that culottes with striped sweatsocks is a fashion faux pas. Much hilarity at her expense ensues. If one of the mockers is in attendance, penance is required at the front.
*******************************************
These are only a starter of critical highlights that could be included, but you get the idea. The sillier the better. Throw in some laughter quotes: "Laughter is carbonated holiness." I like that one. (Anne Lamott)
Or this, by Sean O'Casey: "Laughter is wine for the soul -- laughter soft, or loud and deep, tinged through with seriousness -- the hilarious declaration made by man that life is worth living."
Let me also say, having looked the lists for "funeral music" on a number of sites, I would be hard pressed not to get a serious case of the giggles if some of those were played at any funeral I attended. Willie Nelson's "On the Road Again" ? Simply Red's "If you Don't Know Me By Now"? I did get a chuckle that someone had added Monty Python's "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" here.
Seriously, what I'd really like is a service up at Echo Lake, with ashes scattered across the water, and then make everyone, or at least those able-bodied enough, hike up to the ridge before the Chicago Lakes turn and scatter some more in that direction. This would ensure there would not be a lot of high heels in the crowd. Don't be silly. Wear jeans and some bright color: greens, reds, purples, blues, or yellows. Nothing dark or drab. Bring a sunflower to throw behind my ashes or plant one in a corner of your yard for me. Better yet, adopt an animal from your shelter and name her Tori. Afterwards, (after the ashes, not the animal adoption, just to be clear) pick up pies from the Lodge, make coffee, and, somewhere comfy, settle in front of a big screen to enjoy my collection of videos.
I don't really think I will need this for a long time but then, who does? And once you're gone, all the "I wish I had asked" stuff leaves you feeling more helpless and bereft. And then you make a crappy memorial video. Not cool.
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