Monday, January 16, 2012

1-16-12 Beauty and the Beast, and teapot sex

We went to see Beauty and the Beast in 3D this weekend.

Yes, we paid to go see a movie we own on DVD.

It's not about the 3D as much as enjoying the big screen, the sound system, the darkness, the popcorn and junior mints. It's an experience that reminds me of getting so excited that a Disney movie was at the theater. You only got to see them as a kid in the 70s once a decade, so it was a big deal when Bambi or Cinderella was showing. You knew the story, you had the album with the sketch of the storyline and the songs, but going to the movies was so much more.

Sammi got the special edition kids 3D glasses. Every now and then being small is a plus.

The Tangled short was also a big draw for us, and didn't disappoint.

But, alas, even in 3D, the Beauty and the Beast conundrum remains.

It all hinges on a single line in the song "Be Our Guest" : "ten years we've been rusting, needing so much more than dusting."

Alan Menken, I love you. But WHY couldn't the line have been "for years" instead of setting a number that completely violates so many of the story lines in the film?

The prologue clearly states:

The Rose she had offered, 
Was truly an enchanted rose, 
Which would bloom until his twenty-first year. 
If he could learn to love another, 
And earn her love in return 
By the time the last petal fell, 
Then the spell would be broken. 

If it's been ten years, and the last petal on the rose is about fall, that means the Beast is about to become 21. And, thus, when the prologue says, "The Prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind" you have to add "and ELEVEN?!?" at the time of the curse.

This also makes Mrs. Potts the loosest teapot in creation (admittedly, the only loose teapot in all creation). Chip, both in his speech and when he is returned to his bodily form, appears to be about six years old. He calls Mrs. Potts "mama" on multiple occasions. He sleeps in the cupboard with another 11 teacups that Mrs. Potts calls his "brothers."

With whom is Mrs. Potts creating these cups/children? It didn't happen before the curse, so now we're left sitting in the dark theater confounded at how exactly teapot sex has occurred. All kinds of dirty jokes involving the other pieces of the tea set come to mind. It doesn't help that when she's transformed back she appears to be an animated Angela Lansbury.

Forget the other hidden sexual suggestions in Disney films, this one's the winner.


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