Tuesday, March 8, 2011

3-8-11 truth is. . .

Kind of in limbo on a lot of fronts these days. . . . and it feels like the whole world has turned upside down in the past couple of months. I'm seriously struggling. I'm terribly thankful for the people who have been and remain my friends, and yet I feel detached and isolated at the same time. I don't know what the future holds, but then, who does? It's not so much a crisis of faith as a crisis of people, which in the end is a good reminder of where my heart really should always lie. But that doesn't make any of it any less painful.

I'd been working on a blog about my Europe trips, since this seems like a good place to store those for the day when my kids might actually be interested. And after several days and quite a lot of text, getting the pictures in the right order, etc, etc, I managed to wipe it out in a nanosecond, Blogger.com auto saves it at that instant, and the "undo" command is grayed out and inactive. Guess I wasn't meant to blog about the past today.

So instead, you get the moody truth about the here and now: I cannot seem to find my happy place in the here and now. It's inside me somewhere, though. It will just take some time to wrap my arms around again.

A new doctor (GYN) visit is set for Thursday, which will not yield any results since that visit is to set up some kind of hopefully minimally invasive surgery at a not too much later date. I couldn't get a straight answer on whether this would be in office, out patient, or more than that. Long story short: there's something there, it's unusual, it's "prominent" and neither the ultrasound or MRI yielded any view of the ovaries, also unusual.

Life is limbo. And there's only one way out.


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